The thought, I’m sure, is honest and genuine, but a proper response is often hard to come up with. You see, I’m a pastor and God is supposed to be doing something amazing in my life all the time. Aren’t I really close to God? Doesn’t he hang out with me on weekends?
The question, although sincere and honest, often leaves me struggling for a response. I hate to tell the person asking about my walk with God, “Well, I have no idea what God’s doing in my life right now. Frankly it feels like a giant train wreck, I don’t sense his presence and don’t feel like I’ve heard from him in a long time.” Imagine the open mouths at that response. But, it’s an honest response.
Somehow there is the sense that a pastor, someone who “knows God personally,” should have something mystical, existential, really amazing going on all the time. It’s just not my reality. There are periods of time when I don’t get any new insights, don’t sense God’s presence, don’t “feel spiritual,” and frankly feel rather cold and hard in my faith.
It’s difficult…this walk with God. It’s difficult because we are in a society of the warm tingles, instant gratification, instant response to our requests, service….RIGHT NOW, but walking with God isn’t that way. At least it’s not that way for me. The walk often feels lonely, sometimes is difficult, and always is unpredictable.
How can you answer, “what’s God doing in your life?” when you don’t even know? And so, I try my best to talk about the last good thing I remember, but maybe I should be more honest, more transparent about what this walk with God really looks like. Maybe others would feel comforted by the knowledge that it’s not always easy for me either.
Maybe I just did that.